Black Gramophone

by Sarah Beatty

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1.
03:52
I pick you up and I see you're back to being mine You took a ride and you'll meet me at my home tonight I'm not not saviour, I'm not no Jesus Christ I'm just walking along and I'm trying to live my life. But I know That sometimes it’s hard to let go And I can see That sometimes all you need is to be. That wild in your eyes sparkles in the sunshine Your eyes are open wide and you see the summer time With me in January I pick you up and I see you night after night Picking your pants up with your pockets And fighting your fights I will keep this fire burning I’ll gather all the things , All the things that we ever need To see us to the spring There’s still a chance that this is all that we wanted So I’ll be around when you figure out that got it
2.
02:51
You got a secret you're keeping from me, I know that you've got a luxury. Oh you ain't been fooling me. But you'll find out real soon You ain't hiding nothing from me. You spend your money on finer things. Fur coats and fast cars and diamond rings. I know, you ain't been buying me. You like the good food they serve downtown. Waiters in white gloves and steaks by the pound. Oh no, you ain't been buying me. You go to the juke joint, you're picking up girls kissing and squeezing, rocking they world. Oh no, you ain't been fooling me. I wash your clothes, I wash your hair, trying to get the smell out of some other girl. Oh you ain't been fooling me. You took me for granted, so I took you by surprise, Yeah the one you saw me kissing, was your girl on the side. Oh you ain't been fooling me. Yeah you found out real soon, you weren't hiding nothing from me.
3.
A beer bottle voice tells stories half recalled While his girlfriend’s lighting cigarettes and speaking kind of loud I took a moment to remove myself From a room that got too full But now I’m back and I get the feeling There’s just as many molecules Moving here and moving there Collisions and colliding are happening everywhere And the heat it keeps on building With the pressure of the air As these molecules keep trying To find a bit of fresher air Spinning in their orbits, never finding rest And I can feel how they’re multiplying Because I feel it in each breath And a polymeric substance Creates a fogginess in my head But I muster up a question To the molecule to my left. And he replies with some forgiveness Cause he can see I’m trying hard To join in all this revelry Even though I feel so far away. And I know there is a source zone Where all these molecules were born For in this space with time and gravity I’ve come to learn a few things more Cause I keep seeing clouds of people, Coagulating near the door, They keep searching for other molecules, Ionic bonds and so much more. And I recognize this movement, Cause I can see it in my mug, I filled it with warm apple cider, And an ounce of dark aged rum. And even with the booze, I’ll avoid the cloud that’s in my cup. I know it wants me to consume it, So it can see what I’m made of. Protons and electrons, and bunch of feelings too, and I’ll tell you if you ask me, but this cloud thing I can’t do. And maybe one day this (mighty) molecule will take a higher form Cause I feel I’m underneath it, And I know that’s not the norm But for now I’ll float out own my own A mighty molecule of one And I’ll conspire to conspire So I don’t feel too alone Cause I know there’s a bunch of molecules That look a lot like me, Expressed in a bunch of places, In a bunch of living things And they’re trying to be familiar All while trying to be strange Cause they’re carving out their niches, and populating, and decorating, empty space.
4.
03:59
It's ok we broke down today Cause everything that's moving, is moving through some pain. I was only thinking, that all this was done, that we said what we needed to, so why do I feel, I've gotta run. I'm not much for reading, I've not much to say but I will be ready to stand up that day. And you don't have to view it, the way that I do. But on that day you're watching me, you'll see my eyes run over you. So you can steal my thunder, but I will steal your rain. And hope springs eternally throughout this refrain. I won't hold on to what you say. It dies with the wind, but the pressure's killing me, too high to begin. And now your eyes are covered, and your skin is over tanned. And now I look upon your face, and wonder if you've got half a plan. But you don't have to view it, the way that I do, but I can see how you've handled me, and now I can only look through you. It's too bad, given what we had, cause something's now been broken, and left me feeling sad. No matter how much you tell me, I just won't bite. Cause caffeine is my drug of choice, and I saw marks on your back last night.
5.
What do we say, when there's nothing left to talk about. Where do we turn, when our brains are turned all inside out. How do we go on, believing there is something left for us. I cannot think, cause thinking hard has left me numb and You cannot speak because the things you think, you think are dumb. How do we go on, believing there is nothing left for us. So won't you please love me for one night more. Won't you please love me and push me to the floor. What to believe, I believe I'll have another drink and I don't want to be a product of all my theories How can I stop for a moment to let the room air out. If this is it, I would like to say my last goodbye but I don't want to go, if it means you'll despise me. For in a moment, this all could turn right around. So won't you please love me for one night more. Won't you please love me and push me to the floor. I see that you can reach above the shining stars, but you're hanging on to something in my mind. Everything, everything, everything's so fine, but you won't tell me why. What do we say...
6.
Cans in the sink, empty cause we drank the booze Not that it’s right, it’s just how we choose How we decide, how we still appropriate The memories we recall or decide to relegate. There’s something here, I smell it in the air I keep taking it in, even though I’m not there. And it’s taking me back to a place that I was, I made a decision, just because. So I’m changing my tune, ‘bout halfway through The timing ain’t right, and the melody’s blue. You can sing lead, and I’ll stomp with both heels, And we’ll keep rehearsing this thing, until we like how it feels. I’m starting to see right through both lenses The ones I was borne with, and the ones I created. So now I’m coming inside, I’ll try not to fuss, As I dry out the drink that turns my bones into rust. Yeah I now understand, the task that I have, My attention is short, and I’m prone to forget. But now I’m blessed with the presence, of your shining face And now I know, I’m in, a different kind of place. And we can keep rocking out and singing old sad songs And we’ll do it with intention, and we’ll make it last too long. And when the evening’s over, and it’s time to hug goodbye, I’ll remember, in these cans, once upon a time.
7.
Oh my heart, was covered in stone. I felt like I was alone. No one in the world could see inside of me. I didn't run, or hideaway. Broken and bleeding in the dark all alone. You came to me in the spark of the whitest light that's ever shone. You burned your candle right next to me. You broke through this hard heart of mine, now I'm free. Oh this ain't normal, oh no not for me. You're like the strongest person I have seen. You've got the greatest hold on me. And all the demons I keep right next to me. You found me out on the warmest summers eve Talking to you for a moment, made me make believe You walked me home, so politely, I knew the difference immediately. I guess you're a lot like me but different just enough. To know when I am weary and trying to be tough. Oh there are times when I think you can't be real. Made up for the purpose of making me feel, Oh this ain't normal, oh no not for me. You're like the strongest person I have seen. You've got the greatest hold on me. And all the demons I keep right next to me.
8.
I was taking things for granted I didn’t know where I was from I didn’t know where you were going I hadn’t seen how much you’d grown I was thinking things were different Better than they were before But I knew, down deep inside All I had was a molten core I was thinking you would notice All this oil in the ground Bubbling up from down below All the lines in this horizon Buried deep inside the earth Dirt in your fingernails I should have scrubbed my hands long before Before I ever knew how you cared Cause we've been down this road before And we’re a few yards short of a load Twisting, turning and not much else Down this dusty road Maybe somewhere between here and there, is how I’ll come around There to show what we are made of Where we’re from and where we’ll go We’ll keep on digging, digging deep With our shovels in the ground With the force of a thousand cuts Whether we are lost or found
9.
03:36
Up to the sky I asked the rain, what were you thinking then? It's all been told a million times, but it's often told by men. I rarely speak, no not with works, or even pantomime. But when I raise my voice and when I raise my fists, I point them at the sky. What do we do, what do we say where do we go, on dark days. I think of you, now your gone I think of you in the past They took you out and then they took you in and then they seemed, to make it last Your supple lips, and your manly charms, could get the best of anyone. It's a thing I knew so long before, and now what's done, has long been done. Think of me when you're all alone I bet you'll feel it then. That I was always there right by your side, warning you of your sins. So you rode away, with your shiny steed, in a pumpkin that's turning soon. But the devil speaks to me in my dreams, and when I'm howling at the moon.
10.
All my pain may seem so trite but it's the thing that keeps me warm at night. And I'm looking all around, to find a little piece of truth written in graffiti in some mangled up telephone booth. And I swear that I would run, If I could find the right shoes. Broken in with a bit of tread left late at night and out of breath I'd forget about these blues. But instead I stay and clean up the mess that's been stifling me, sifting through all this nostalgia to find what lies beneath my history. So I hold my hands up close to my chest to see if I can find a rhythm I can stick to a little bit more or less and when I look around me, I know that at sometime it will all leave, but for the moment I find, I'm distracted by all the things I can't see.
11.
04:58
In all this subtlety, I swear I'm moving on. From a memory that's been hanging round for far too long. You're a tidal wave that pulled me out to sea, so I'm swimming back to catch my breath and be. So, I'll hold you close to me. I'll hold you close to me. I'll hold you close to me. I'll hold you close to me. Did you stake me out and follow my tracks. I never seem to look, except when I'm looking back. You're a silhouette, at least that's what I'm told. Yeah, you'd take my beating heart and trade it in for gold. I know, there's nothing that I can be. So you'd reconsider this, and think something more of me. You're a fatalist, at least that's what it seems. I am not an optimist, but I do believe in dreams.
12.

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credits

released May 24, 2012

All songs written, produced, and performed live off the floor by Sarah Beatty (vocals & guitar). With the following exceptions: Gary White (lead guitar) accompanies on “Autumn’s Song.” Nick Jabbour, Steve Kirstein, and Sarah Beatty co-produced track 1. Harmonies on “To be” and “Close to me” were recorded separately.


I cannot speak highly enough about those that handled the technically relevant elements:
* Engineering by Nick Jabbour, except tracks 1 and 12 by Steve Kirsten
* Mixing by Nick Jabbour
* Mastering by Andrew Cowan at Lacquer Channel Mastering

Recorded at River 16 Recording Studios, Oakville, ON

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Sarah Beatty Hamilton, Ontario

Canadian singer songwriter.

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